(246) MICHAEL JACKSON REVISITED

The morning show brought additional Michael Jackson information. The segment included a statement that the people who now own Neverland have taken care of Michael Jackson's dogs for the last five or six years. Who, pray tell, owns Neverland? I've heard that Michael Jackson still owned half of it, or it was sold to satisfy some of his debts and obligations. In any event, somebody, by now, should have discovered who owns Neverland.

Nothing was left in the house, and Michael Jackson said in an interview with Ed Bradley that he would never live there again because it had been soiled by the police who searched his property looking for evidence of sexual misconduct. What a nightmare. On a spiritual basis, I am completely on his side, and I think that he suffered at the hands of overzealous cops when opportunistic people stepped up to allege sexual abuse. I also think that he needed to stay well away from the fire once the first allegation was made. This is becoming another circus, much like Octomom. I feel sorry for Michael, there is nothing I can do to reverse his death, and I want to remember him from the Thriller album, instead of remembering him as a freak in a carnival.

* * *

Also of interest, Bernie Madoff got 150 years. The Sentencing Guideline Commission recommended 50 years. Since he is 75 years old, 50 should have been enough, but it was an opportunity for a Judge to grandstand and get a round of applause from people who had lost money, and were sitting in the Courtroom. A friend of mine, who is somewhat conservative, said that they should take him out and shoot him. I quietly asked, 'What about the SEC that let him get away with this fraudulent conduct for years?' And they let him get away after they had been given notice by reliable actuaries working for other companies that his investments were part of a Ponzi scheme.

(245) MICHAEL JACKSON REPORT

I was saddened by the death of Michael Jackson. However, he had gotten so bizarre in the last few years that I referred to him as The Man Who, Literally, Cut His Nose Off to Spite His Face. I have never seen such an atrocity, and I wondered what the poor fellow was thinking. He was also proof that having a lot of money does not make you happy or content. In fact, money and fame, can be an astonishing burden. Also, he was proof that as the twig is bent, so grows the tree. His dad, Joe Jackson, from what I can tell, is the scum of the Earth.

The morning paper carried a story reporting that Michael Jackson was making $11,000,000 a year in royalties on the deal with Sony. His music was exciting, he was strange. He circulated photographs to tabloid papers which indicated he slept in a hyperbaric chamber to stay healthy--it didn't work. He conferred with various gurus--it didn't work. He planned a 50-show tour--it didn't work. Still, he left a legacy of great music and three children.

Life is short. Go for it!

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin
Your Servant in the Garden of Life

(244) TO ED McMAHON

I will consider Michael Jackson next week. It's going to take a few days for me to gather my thoughts. However, I have Ed McMahon in full focus, and I want to comment on one of his comments. In an interview several years ago, commenting on the Tonight Show, he said that, in the twinkling of an eye, 30 years had gone by. I say the same thing, in the twinkling of an eye, 35 years of practicing law have gone by. The moral, which I often repeat, is: 'There is no tomorrow. Do it now.' Have some fun today. Don't wait. Go to boot camp. Drink some wine. Watch some meaningless television. Listen to music, make love, and read.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin
Your Servant in the
Garden of Pleasure

(243) HEALTH CARE

Why can’t these brain dead people in Washington, D. C. allow all citizens to deduct from their taxes the costs of medical care, prescriptions, health insurance, et cetera, then step back and see how it works? We hear the cries about people being uninsured. No one ever considers giving the folks who work hard to pay for their own health care a benefit. That would reduce the size of the government, so it is contrary to the idea that bigger government is better government, therefore it is not going to happen.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin,
Your Servant of Truth
in the Garden of Life

(242) BOB CATO, ONE YEAR LATER

My friend, Bob Cato, died on July 12, 2008.

There are so many Bob Cato stories that I could fill a book. In fact, I have dedicated part of a book to our adventures together. Unfortunately some of the ventures cannot be mentioned because the statute of limitations has not run. However, this is one for the books, and it is benign. I may be repeating it; if I have, forgive me. I haven’t gone back and read every blog to make certain that this is not repetitious.

Bob was sitting on the front porch of a friend's house with Warren Scovell when a sheriff arrived with a summons/warrant for the friend who occupied the house. What was the problem? The problem: the friend allowed his cow to run free, and the cow had found its way into the neighbor’s garden, which was about a hundred yards from where Bob and the others were sitting, and the cow was munching down the neighbor’s crops. The cow had been doing this on a regular basis, and finally the neighbor took a warrant because the cow was out of control, running free and eating his crop. According to Warren Scovell,Bob asked the sheriff what this was about, and he said, "I have a summons for the owner of the house." Bob said, "Would you read it to me?" The sheriff complied and read the Summons and the Complaint to Bob. Bob said, "You’re reading that to the wrong person. You should read that to the cow that’s over there in the garden eating the man’s crops." Somehow this made sense to the sheriff, who dutifully traversed the distance and read the summons to the cow. Cato, Scovell and the friend who owned the house had a hard time repressing their laughter until the sheriff left.

What was the outcome? It must have worked because no one can remember the cow eating in the neighbor’s garden again. So while Bob and the others enjoyed a good laugh, in the end the sheriff reading the summons to the cow worked.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin,
Your Servant of Truth
in the Garden of Life

(241) MORE THINGS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH

There are more things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamed of in my philosophies. The morning paper brought the news that Federal money for prisons could be rescinded if states did not adopt measures to reduce sexual violence in correctional and detention facilities. The National Prison Rape Elimination Commission issued an extensive report, five years in the making (what happened to the people who were raped in the meantime?), recommending that jails and prisons take steps to reduce rapes behind bars, including adoption of zero tolerance policies and better staff training.

First, I’ve never heard of the NPREC. Second, we have too many people in prison anyway, so let’s open the doors and let about half of the people who are imprisoned out. This will cause astonishing complaints from the right wing looneys, but they need something to complain about. Third, let’s start firing guards and wardens who are allowing rapes to occur in prisons. Fourth, according to the article, states will be notified of the finalized standards and then have a year to adopt them. (That begs the question of what happens to the victims during the next year?) And finally, if they don’t adopt new standards, they will lose 5% of their federal prison grants, but still receive 95% of their federal prison grant money. The feds can’t stand the states running anything on their own.

Also, I notice that Obama has issued a stronger warning to Iran. This is fascinating because it actually drew faint praise from some of the right wing senators. But I’m curious about what anyone expects a strongly worded letter to accomplish. While I believe we should only fight wars when they are absolutely necessary, I am from the Athena school of war. The goddess, Athena, among a number of attributes, was the Goddess of Prudent Warfare. We haven’t had a prudent war in over 60 years. I’m all in favor of putting the Air Force in the air, armed with smart bombs to negate Iran's nuclear facilities. Then we should sit back and let these folks kill each other. We should follow a similar program in North Korea and do some indiscriminate carpet bombing in Afghanistan.

Am I becoming more right-wing by the day?

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin,
Your Servant of Truth

(240) IRAN REVISITED

I have been watching, with great interest, the turmoil in Iran. First things first: the people who are aggrieved are supporting the opposition party, but no one has bothered to tell me what they are opposed to. This is equivalent to Obama running on a change platform. There is nothing changed except we are teetering on a war in Pakistan and a war with North Korea, and we are multiple trillions of dollars in debt which can never be repaid. He is also talking about a tax increase and trillions more for his grand scheme on medical insurance. I said two years ago that if he spent the trillions of dollars spent on war were spent on prescriptions instead, everyone in the United States could have free prescriptions. But war is far more important than medical care.

Now back to Iran: it doesn't make any difference who wins the election, the Ayatollah can veto anything the elected President wants to do. And, what about the opposition? The opposing candidate believes we should bomb England, the United States, and Israel. He is a hardliner from the word go, and the only change that is in store is he doesn't want to force women to wear burqas if they don't want to. There is no meaningful opposition.

* * *

I was reviewing my Rolodex, adding to and taking out numbers that are no longer viable. When I got to my friend, Bob Cato, who died last year, I could not take his name out of my Rolodex. Although I attended the funeral, I cannot believe that he is dead.

Health and prosperity,
Donald M. Heavrin

(239) REGARDING IRAQ & IRAN

I knew that Congressman Dennis Kucinich of Ohio voted against authorizing the military action in Iraq. Last night I learned that Mike Gravel, also a Congressman, had also voted against it.

On the issue of Iran, which seems to be enjoying a lot of internal unrest over two candidates who are virtually identical from a philosophic perspective, the new kid on the block promised change, tax reform, contract with America, eliminate your civil rights--woops! I'm not sure that that is Iran--it sounds a whole lot like the United States! But speaking of Iran, in 1953, it had the duly-elected President Muhammad Mossadegh. For reasons that were not stated in the article I read, the United States did not like him and engineered his removal from office. In his place, we installed the brutally tyrannous Shah of Iran, Reza Pahlavi, who was in charge until his people overthrew him and replaced him with Ayatollah Khomeini. Some Iranian politician said the United States was, again, trying to superimpose its will on Iran and meddle in Iranian affairs. What? That is amazing. The USA meddling in foreign affairs and seeking the overthrow of leaders in other countries? What a ridiculous concept.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin
Your servant of truth in the garden of politics

(238) SORRY TO SAY!

Sorry to say that I was right. Ringo won the election in Iran. It is hard to imagine Ringo losing in a country where the Beatles are so popular.

We are monitoring reports of irregularities. What does that mean? What if we found out there was wholesale fraud and Ringo stole the election? Are we going to write a strongly-worded letter? Ringo won by such a wide margin that hundreds of people had to be involved in the conspiracy to get Ringo elected and, by now, someone would have surfaced to describe the irregularities.

Now, it is time to bomb his bomb-making facility and go home.

* * *

With the approval of every politician in sight, the government rushed to put tobacco under the control of the FDA. Now there is an idea that only a fool could support. At the moment, because of the depth of the bureaucracy, beneficial drugs are held up for years. In contrast, after years of research, dangerous drugs still get into the market. Now, we have an increase in the size of the already stagnant bureaucracy, creating additional job security for paper shufflers. I do not smoke, but I think if someone wants to smoke, that is an individual choice, and the government should stay on the sidelines.

Obama is as dangerous as Bush. He has his own agenda that is not unlike George W. Bush's agenda. We still have at least two wars going on, a lunatic in North Korea, suicide bombers in Pakistan and Iraq, and breath-taking deficits.

Obama is proceeding with health-care reform. That means one other aspect of our lives, which was once an individual choice, will now rest in the hands of the government.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin
Your election moderator

(237) IRANIAN ELECTIONS

Today, the Iranians are holding an election. I predict that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will win. Crazies always ascend to the throne. In fact, there are usually thousands of crazies vying for the position, and the one who ultimately prevails proves the doctrine of survival of the UNfittest.

Also, how can a Reformist defeat someone who looks like Ringo Starr? Name and face recognition are unstoppable when there is an election. On one of the morning shows, a woman wearing a head-scarf said she was voting for Ringo. Why? "Because he has given us everything we need." Operative phrase: "give". The Muslims are as out-of-it as we are.

Also, a few days ago, an 88-year-old white supremacist shot up the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC and killed a guard. His Website was full of vitriolic hatred. At the same time I heard about the nutcase shooting up the Holocaust Museum, I was reading one of PJ O'Rourke's books. In it, he observes that the glue that holds all of these fringe organizations together, e.g. Christianity, Islam, Black Panthers, White Panthers, Ku Klux Klan, House of Representatives, Senate, et cetera, are all bound together by hatred. O'Rourke observes that he does not want to belong to any group where there is universal agreement.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin
Your servant of truth